I feel a change coming. I see it in the blogosphere, in the books that are selling well, and I simply can feel it in my bones. Maybe it’s wishful thinking but I believe that wishful thinking can change the world. I can see, wish, and hope that we are beginning to judge less and love more. We are starting to refuse to give in to the pressures of societal norms and expectations and we are starting to see each other for the amazing, brave, and incredibly unique individuals that each of us are. I talked about this recently on one of our podcasts – the idea of women supporting women without judgment. I asked for women to see each other – really see each other and notice the fire in each others eyes, the amazing energy that we possess, the love and kindness, nurturing and strength each of us has to offer. I asked in that podcast that we all look deeper, despite what we might see on the outside and despite the choices we make that might not seem to fit the mold, because truth be told – we are all simply trying to be ok, to be better, to be and find and love exactly who we are.
In order to conquer our own inner demons and to be free, we all need security and the support from one another. It’s a hard road to walk alone, and why should we have to? Instead of always trying to be right, why can’t we just be?
We all need support – it’s not just what a good sports bra can do for you, it’s what we need to do for each other! Support without attachment or judgment. Support without fear or blame. Support without trying to figure things out or fix the problems. We all only really know ourselves and what we choose to share with others is our gift to the universe. I want to receive what you have to offer and what you offer I know I can learn from – without judgment. I want to hear your story and see a bit of myself in you. I want you to do the same for me. We all struggle, but only in our struggles can we really grow, can we truly become who we are intended to be. Only within the confines of our pain can we learn what it feels like to FEEL and then move on – unless we decide to ignore our growing pains because we fear what others might see in us, or because we can’t sit with how bad it really can be, or because we fear the change that might come from finally acknowledging our pain, or because we believe that nobody else will ever really understand…
Furthermore, when we lack each other’s true and genuine support, or when we decide that the world will only judge us based on what they think they know rather than what we know to be true about ourselves – we tend to self medicate, to float through life, to decide to address our shit later, to shove, ignore, and push away our truth. We distract ourselves with our own little lies that might look like food, social media, television, movies, exercise, sex, sleep, lack of sleep, alcohol, work, or maybe all of the above. It’s a very real and scary slippery slope and it’s hard to understand that we can be ok despite what others might think, or what appears to be the best path to follow. We decide to blame our health, life and relationship issues on the wrong diet, the wrong house, the wrong car, the wrong school, the wrong job, instead of looking inward and feeling all the feels – we just cast the feels aside and doubt everything else in our lives for fear of judgment, for fear of truth, for fear of finally settling into ourselves and acknowledging that when we finally admit what know about ourselves; we might really freaking rock the boat.
So this is my plea. Find your path and follow it despite what you think is right or wrong, true or false, good or bad. If you think you can’t do this without support – then I’m offering my support to you. It’s also totally ok if you think you have found your path but suddenly it changes. I will not judge you, I will not blame or point fingers or laugh at you or distract you from your pain in the process. Instead, I will look into your eyes and feel your hurt with you and nod my head and hug you tight and tell you that you are ok exactly where you are right now, and whatever you need to do to find YOU is exactly the right thing. Let’s stop letting the blind lead the blind, we need to ignore what’s on our Facebook feeds, turn down the volume on the gossiping and condescending voices that surround us. Let’s go inwards and focus on our own truths, our own needs and when we really listen, finally listen, let’s open our hearts to our own authentic souls and acknowledge that we already have what we need. If we listen to ourselves often enough, we will see that we are perfect and beautiful despite what others might think and despite the lies we have used to hide our own truths.
Our scars are gorgeous. Our stories are our own. Our mistakes are not mistakes, they are the parts of us that make us completely whole because being right all of the time makes us fragile, which means we can be broken. Feeling our pain, sitting with it and learning from it, that is what makes us completely ok, it’s what can finally make us better. Today, I urge you to offer your support, and to accept mine. Hug your friends, look them in the eye and tell them they are beautiful. Sit with your pain and really feel it. Laugh out loud when things are funny, cry like a baby when things are sad, throw your hands in the air and dance when you feel like dancing, and feel my love and support when you feel like nobody else will ever really see you. I can see you, but most importantly, you can see you. Trust your wonderful self to find that path and together we are all going to be ok, just exactly how we are right now, and if that looks different tomorrow, that’s ok too.
Sigh. Yes!! This is so beautiful and so just right. Thanks for verbalizing it all so perfectly. Much love to you.
Thank you Lynn – much love to you also!
For many years now I have been enjoying your cookbooks and making many of the recipes.
But now that I am reading these articles that you are writing I am blown away with how caring, supportive, selfless, accepting, I could go on and on about what a wonderful person you are.
Thanks for being you,
Charlotte Travis
Saugus, MA 01906
Thank you so much Charlotte – life is a crazy journey and I’m honored that I can share it with all of you!
Sarah,
Thank you for this. I’m giving you a virtual hug right now!
Thank you LeeAnne! I’m sending one right back to you!! 🙂
Love this! Thanks for being a beacon Sarah, and for pushing this message forward. I feel it also, I keep finding more and more people who feel this way and finally aren’t afraid to do something about it!
Thank you so much Rachel!
Very moving, Sarah. Thank you so much for writing this for us all – so very courageous.
Warmly, Beth.
Thank you so much Beth!
Do you do virtual coaching?
Yes, I sure do! Email me directly at sarah@sarahfragoso.com and I can give you the details.
Very well written, and it’s such an amazing feeling when someone can articulate something much better than yourself and you think ‘THAT’S what I meant to say’. Or equally, when you read something that rings so true it surprises you that you never had that thought before. Brilliant stuff.
(Tangent: ever read The Art of Travel by Alain de Botton? His writing on beauty, travel and the sublime is phenomenal.)
Thank you Maiken! I haven’t read The Art of Travel but I’ll check it out – I’m excited for the recommendation!! 🙂